Apple's iPhone 16: The Brick that Wanted to be a Phone. A Whole Woke Story

The long-awaited arrival of the iPhone 16... awaited by whom? We're not too sure. The fact is that Apple launched what many technology enthusiasts have already dubbed as "the most expensive brick in history". A YouTuber summed it up perfectly in one sentence: "A phone that wanted to be revolutionary, but ended up being a luxury brick".

Four models, same disappointment

The strategy is clear: the more models, the harder it will be for you to notice that they are all the same. Thus, Apple presented us with the new: iPhone 16, iPhone 16 Plus, iPhone 16 Pro, and iPhone 16 Pro Max. What's the difference between them? Exactly what you're thinking: the price. The functionality remains the same, but with longer names and a couple of extra zeros on the tag.

At first glance, the iPhone 16 Pro Max might seem like it carries the cure for the common cold, but don't be fooled: the real magic is in the new button, the "Camera Control". What does this revolutionary button do? Well... it allows quick access to the camera, a feature that Android has been perfecting for over a decade. But shh... don't tell that to Apple fans, who are still coming to terms with the concept.

The First "AI-Powered Phone"... but only in dreams

Now, here comes the real gem of the launch: Apple promoted the iPhone 16 as "the first AI-powered phone". Wow! Sounds impressive, doesn't it? Yes, until you realize that it's not even implemented. "It's on its way," Apple said. That is, they sell you the promise of a bright future, but for now, your phone will remain... well, a phone. Meanwhile, in the real world, ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, Bing, and even WhatsApp with its AI functions already exist.

So, if you're willing to pay $2000 for the promise of an AI that "will eventually arrive", this is your phone. If you prefer something that "already has" artificial intelligence, you can save yourself a few thousand and use, I don't know, anything but an iPhone 16.

Shareholders designing a phone

One might wonder, how did we get here? How is it that Apple, the pioneering company in innovation, ended up launching a digital brick with an extra button? The answer is simple: shareholder meetings.

Imagine a meeting room full of suited executives discussing the features of the new iPhone. "What do we need?" asks one. "An extra button," responds another with a triumphant look, as if he had invented the wheel. "Brilliant!" exclaims the CEO. And with that decision, a $2000 phone is born.

If the creative process behind the iPhone 16 were a movie, it would definitely be titled: "When shareholders design technology". Between endless PowerPoints and trend charts, the poor development team didn't even have the chance to suggest something truly innovative. And well, here we are, with a phone that could have been created in a brick factory.

The future of the iPhone?

Perhaps the most curious thing is that despite all the satire, Apple knows what it's doing. Its users love being trendy, even if that means paying $2000 for a phone that has more in common with a luxury cobblestone than with a truly revolutionary device. Perhaps for the iPhone 17, they will surprise us with two extra buttons. Or better yet, three buttons! Now that would be real innovation.

Meanwhile, the competition continues to make great strides in the world of artificial intelligence, while Apple... continues to sell promises.

The brick that wanted to be a phone

In short, the iPhone 16 is the perfect device for those who want to show off having the latest Apple gadget, regardless of the fact that it is behind what the rest of the world has been using for years. At the end of the day, Apple is not selling technology, it is selling a lifestyle, and for many, that is enough.

So, if you have $2000 and want to be part of this "Woke" story, go ahead, buy your brick. At least, the box is pretty.